...thanks, Griffin, that means a lot to me. [ she stares at their hands. ] And... a bit. I don't know much about myself. Anything, really, but I'm... I guess I don't really see a point to trying to learn any more about myself. I have a few questions, sure, and I would kind of like to know more about my squad, but... I... [ she tenses, her hand beginning to shake in his just a little bit. ] I... that me is... no more, y'know, and I... I figured I might as well kind of start over, I guess. But maybe that's dumb. I don't know. [ she bites her lip. ] But you, you're having some trouble because of your background, yeah, being half demon and half human... and wrestling with what that entails?
...I don't think it's a bad idea. A bunch of people chose new names so they could start over in that Taisho Live, right? If you wanna let it go and be the you y'are now... you could do that too.
Me, I'm... I'm just selfish. Starting t'wonder if that's even a demon thing anymore, when humans seem worse sometimes.
I don't know. I didn't attend. I did kind of decide early one that I didn't want to take anymore memories, but maybe that was me just being afraid... I'm not really sure. I mostly just tried not to think about it after learning what happened.
It's not. Humans are just as bad, if not worse, honestly. And for a demon, half demon, whatever... you're a really great guy. Better than most of the people here, and you have to know that, Grif. We all make mistakes. And not everybody holds themselves accountable. Like, you're trying to make it right and be better. Some of these people just... they don't care.
[ she looks over at him. ] But that's why we're talking. And, hey, [ she turns to face him, swinging her legs around and sitting back on her haunches. ] I hadn't been there for you either. We both made a mistake... but I wouldn't have called you out here if fixing it isn't something I was interested in doing. [ sets a hand on his hand, threading her fingers through his hair. ] I want to be able to be there for you too, especially if you're going through so much that it's making you second guess yourself.
[His voice seems to crack a little when he responds.]
I'm-- second guessing everything. I hardly go out unless it's t'fix another mistake I made. Otherwise I"m just... trying to break everything I know. Feels like I've been smashing my head against a wall, hoping it'll change the way my brain works.
[ frowns at that. ] ...don't. [ she scoots around to his from and moves her hands to either side of his head, hoping to lift it up, even just a little, so she can drop a kiss on it. ] How about we shelf this talk, because I said what needed to be said, and we've both realized the other is going through some shit while we're also going through some shit and everything is just kind of... shit. Let's do something a little... fun, maybe? Can I show you something? It's kind of a secret, at least until the eventual Live, but... [ she brings a finger to her lips. ] I can trust you, right?
[He lifts his head, blinking in surprise that she was still-- here, and kind, even though he didn't deserve it. Though sounding a little dazed, he gradually unfurls, nodding.]
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Re: day 214 sometime.
No, I'm sure. I believe in you too, completely.
[His gaze lowers from the water to the pebbles at the edge of the lake. Serenity, and then rocks and mud.]
But it's been a lot harder to believe in myself. Who I am. That goes for you too, right?
Re: day 214 sometime.
Re: day 214 sometime.
Me, I'm... I'm just selfish. Starting t'wonder if that's even a demon thing anymore, when humans seem worse sometimes.
Re: day 214 sometime.
It's not. Humans are just as bad, if not worse, honestly. And for a demon, half demon, whatever... you're a really great guy. Better than most of the people here, and you have to know that, Grif. We all make mistakes. And not everybody holds themselves accountable. Like, you're trying to make it right and be better. Some of these people just... they don't care.
Re: day 214 sometime.
Then, he pulls his knees up against his chest and wraps his other arm around them, so he can bury his face somewhere it won't be see.]
...But. That means I should hold myself accountable for not being there for you, right?
Re: day 214 sometime.
Re: day 214 sometime.
I'm-- second guessing everything. I hardly go out unless it's t'fix another mistake I made. Otherwise I"m just... trying to break everything I know. Feels like I've been smashing my head against a wall, hoping it'll change the way my brain works.
Re: day 214 sometime.
Re: day 214 sometime.
S-sure. What is it...?
Re: day 214 sometime.